Most women are in search of a meaningful relationship with someone we love. Our dream of the ideal relationship includes a man who is handsome, educated, accomplished, successful, romantic, thoughtful and is completely in love with us. So, we hit the social scene in hopes of finding a man. We suck, tuck, paint and primp in an effort to make ourselves appealing to men. We compete against each other in the perpetual battle to win a man. And when we think we’ve won, we sometimes lose ourselves in an effort to woo and keep that man.
Exhausting right? Of course it is, because we are the ones doing all the footwork! We have made ourselves the chaser, to what has become our demise. Ladies, it’s time to stop the chasing!
Since the beginning of time men have been the chasers. Do you remember the cartoon where the cave man would hit the woman over the head with a club and drag her back to his cave? He picked her. Men are the choosers and women are the chosen. This is why the tradition is for the woman to be courted, because by nature, men are chasers. Some may disagree and think I am a traditionalist. But answer me this: how many successful relationships do you know of in which the woman was the chaser? Or, how many of your female friends are with a man they chased? As with everything else, there are exceptions to the rule, but in most instances women who chase are left mending their broken hearts.
A man knows from the first encounter with a woman whether she will be a wife, a friend or just a “good-time” girl. Men know how far they can push a woman, how much they can get from her and what she will and will not tolerate. They don’t see themselves loving every woman they are with. Women are the total opposite. For women, every man we date is a romantic prospect. We can always “see” ourselves loving a man. Imagine if it was the norm for women to propose to men. Every man a woman dates would be a potential husband. Men are not that vulnerable or generous with their love.
When men are chased, they sit back and enjoy it. They too will hit the social scene in hopes of finding a woman that is sucked, tucked, painted and primped. But the intention is never to win, woo or keep her. The intent is to get as much from her as possible without giving anything in return. A man will say all the right things to get what he wants. And, he knows he can get away with it when he is the one being chased.
When women are chased, it is because the man is truly intrigued and involved. He is interested and he sees something that is worth the chase. Our problem as women is we sometimes confuse interest with presence.
Just because a man is present in your life, doesn’t necessarily mean he’s interested. If you have to chase his honesty and chase his love, he’s no longer chasing you and is not worth your time. I hear women say, “He doesn’t want to be in a relationship because he’s been hurt before.” “He can’t give me his time because he’s focused on himself right now.” “He doesn’t want to hurt me.” “He loves me but…” All excuses. If a man has interest in a woman, he’ll chase her. Period.
As women, we need to recognize our worth. We are beautiful and strong and powerful and gentle and worthy of love. Not half-ass love. Not love that comes and goes when it pleases. Not love that lies or cheats or abuses. We are loved unconditionally by The Most High and loved abundantly by our friends and family, so why should settle for less from a man.
The right man will not require you to chase. He will court you, as you deserve to be courted, love you as your deserve to be loved. He will chase you, because he understands that a good thing is always worth the chase.